Give me more please.
That's all.
May 7, 2012
August 22, 2010
Giving ideas guns
I was watching a show about the scientific research into the areas of the brain that trigger transcendent/"beyond self" experiences. The researchers are able to generate vision-like experiences, sensations of the presence of others, and many other things usually associated with spiritual experiences. The part that was so interesting to me wasn't necessarily the content of what they were talking about, but the immediate conclusions drawn when allowing a single thread of logic to its conclusion. The tendency was for the researcher to immediately say that, since they are able to replicate these experiences systematically by directing a weak magnetic field at a small portion of the right temporal cortex, God is likely to be purely a phenomenon of the mind.
Suddenly, a cognitive conflict happens. I have lots of experience that allows me to conclude that God is not simply a phenomenon of the mind, although my ability to make an independent judgment on that is suspect due to the inherent mechanisms of the brain... But the conflict is mine and mine alone. By trying to enforce my view on findings presented out of pure research, I closed myself initially.
More later.
Suddenly, a cognitive conflict happens. I have lots of experience that allows me to conclude that God is not simply a phenomenon of the mind, although my ability to make an independent judgment on that is suspect due to the inherent mechanisms of the brain... But the conflict is mine and mine alone. By trying to enforce my view on findings presented out of pure research, I closed myself initially.
More later.
August 14, 2010
Being and doing
I went over all of the posts that I started but never finished over the last couple of years, and I just posted the ones that had text in the body. Several were good, but I can remember at the time that it was simply the act of transcribing my thoughts that allowed me to release the ideas, satisfy some thought process, etc. and the need to actually post the material subsided pretty quickly. Here's to accepting more free thinking and writing.
One of the posts was on trusting my initial instincts when addressing a problem. I'm challenged to do this more and more, working through instinct and intuition, now that new my job is demanding a bit more than my previous one. This is exactly what I need to develop more.
Along the same lines, I love the idea of writing stories. Short stories are what I love, so I will post some sketches some time soon. I've always started but then stopped soon after, because I always wanted to see the end in the beginning before I undertook the effort. I'm finding that sometimes that's not a productive means of operating, so here's to blind landings.
One of the posts was on trusting my initial instincts when addressing a problem. I'm challenged to do this more and more, working through instinct and intuition, now that new my job is demanding a bit more than my previous one. This is exactly what I need to develop more.
Along the same lines, I love the idea of writing stories. Short stories are what I love, so I will post some sketches some time soon. I've always started but then stopped soon after, because I always wanted to see the end in the beginning before I undertook the effort. I'm finding that sometimes that's not a productive means of operating, so here's to blind landings.
July 9, 2010
Working hard on something.
After a long time, now is the time to start writing again. The last few weeks have been hard. Moving from Seattle to Savannah, trying to get settled in a completely new place, quitting a job that I loved, starting a new job that is compelling yet has direction and no direction simultaneously.
Where are my friends? How can I keep in touch?
Where are my friends? How can I keep in touch?
January 2, 2009
The long dream
So here's an entry I started writing quite a while back and never finished. I thought it was interesting enough for me to post it, finally:
Here's an epic dream I had last night. It was one continuous dream, and while I was dreaming, I thought, "man, this is a lonnng dream." Here's what I remember.
I was at my family's original house in Derby, KS, and everything was pretty true to life... except the transformers/mech warriors battling above our house in the backyard. I should not have seen these battles, since they were operating on a different level/social strata/or secretive existence, similar to a special ops unit. I never understood how it was expected for the public to remain ignorant of them, since it was pretty obvious that giant robots were fighting above your head. And the battles were intense, just as vivid as anything you see in any recent action movie, everyone airborne using booster rockets on their feet, metal crushing, parts flying, and missiles roaring. And they were close, just 30-50 feet away. Then one was torn to pieces, and the largest chuck came hurtling to our house. I dove away from our kitchen window down below our kitchen cabinets which happened to be just enough to avoid being crushed. Now that the focus was directed toward my house, my spying was known to the others continuing to battle outside. I had been marked for death, but not so important to be dealt with just then.
I got on my bike and pedaled away. I remembered that my friend Phil, some of his friends, and I were planning on going to a Seattle Seahawks football game later that day, so I stopped by my apartment on my way to the game. I'm not really sure why, but I was just checking in, killing time before the game. I left my apartment thinking it would be better to hang out at the stadium.
I got to the stadium early, and the place was virtually vacant. The stadium was huge with massive concrete structures, tunnels, and four large tiers of seats. Only the most hardcore fans were seated. I suddenly felt very out of place in this cement forest, around an alter I didn't particularly want to worship. I was there to be with friends, and without them even before the festivities got underway, I did not feel good inside. I scanned and scanned the seating tiers to find my friends, until I finally found them. Second tier, center field, very good seats. I tried and tried to call Phil on his cellphone, but the connection was too weak to hear more than a couple of words at once. I never got their seat numbers, but I knew kind of where they were, so I headed down to meet them.
On my way, I ran into my grandparents...*
*(in the present): I remember this dream but I don't remember exactly what happened after this point. I was trying to figure out how to get down to Phil's seats, but I couldn't get away from talking to my grandparents. They were really excited to see me, and I was pretty surprised to see them attending a football game. Every time I tried to slip away, they would ask me a new question, and couldn't really tell that I was wanting to leave to join my friend. And that's what I remember.
Here's an epic dream I had last night. It was one continuous dream, and while I was dreaming, I thought, "man, this is a lonnng dream." Here's what I remember.
I was at my family's original house in Derby, KS, and everything was pretty true to life... except the transformers/mech warriors battling above our house in the backyard. I should not have seen these battles, since they were operating on a different level/social strata/or secretive existence, similar to a special ops unit. I never understood how it was expected for the public to remain ignorant of them, since it was pretty obvious that giant robots were fighting above your head. And the battles were intense, just as vivid as anything you see in any recent action movie, everyone airborne using booster rockets on their feet, metal crushing, parts flying, and missiles roaring. And they were close, just 30-50 feet away. Then one was torn to pieces, and the largest chuck came hurtling to our house. I dove away from our kitchen window down below our kitchen cabinets which happened to be just enough to avoid being crushed. Now that the focus was directed toward my house, my spying was known to the others continuing to battle outside. I had been marked for death, but not so important to be dealt with just then.
I got on my bike and pedaled away. I remembered that my friend Phil, some of his friends, and I were planning on going to a Seattle Seahawks football game later that day, so I stopped by my apartment on my way to the game. I'm not really sure why, but I was just checking in, killing time before the game. I left my apartment thinking it would be better to hang out at the stadium.
I got to the stadium early, and the place was virtually vacant. The stadium was huge with massive concrete structures, tunnels, and four large tiers of seats. Only the most hardcore fans were seated. I suddenly felt very out of place in this cement forest, around an alter I didn't particularly want to worship. I was there to be with friends, and without them even before the festivities got underway, I did not feel good inside. I scanned and scanned the seating tiers to find my friends, until I finally found them. Second tier, center field, very good seats. I tried and tried to call Phil on his cellphone, but the connection was too weak to hear more than a couple of words at once. I never got their seat numbers, but I knew kind of where they were, so I headed down to meet them.
On my way, I ran into my grandparents...*
*(in the present): I remember this dream but I don't remember exactly what happened after this point. I was trying to figure out how to get down to Phil's seats, but I couldn't get away from talking to my grandparents. They were really excited to see me, and I was pretty surprised to see them attending a football game. Every time I tried to slip away, they would ask me a new question, and couldn't really tell that I was wanting to leave to join my friend. And that's what I remember.
December 22, 2008
I get so much out of meditating
Throughout the day, whenever I'm working on something, I typically can see immediately what I need to work on to lead me to the next step. But it takes me a little bit to act out those inclinations. It's always like, "OK, so I've been mulling over this, and... oh yeah, I had a thought initially that directed me and it's the way I need to go."
December 13, 2008
Lost and Found
Conrad glanced from side to side, hurriedly scanning the topography of his room for the fourth time.
May 31, 2008
Katie (AKA Smackdab, AKA Krazie, AKA "All you guys", AKA Mamamamamamama)
I use completely different pathways when I write than when I speak.
A haiku for you
Mamamamamamama
How long is your name?
A haiku for you
Mamamamamamama
How long is your name?
March 22, 2008
Things fall in line.
Katie and Elsa and I are moving to flee the perpetual fly infestation that has beset us over the last two months. I have mixed feelings toward this forced relocation. Our house has become ever more unsanitary, polluted, and dangerous for Elsa, so naturally moving to a house that is maintained with a very involved landlord is a boon for our health. I'm just sad we're leaving a more densely populated part of the city. I like living in a dense part of the city. I like being able to walk to Greenlake. I like walking to the shops on 65th. Our new place doesn't have any sidewalks, so hopefully we'll still get out and about.
February 23, 2008
Read between the lines
There are several ideas that I want to express, but either through lack of technique, practice, method, or insight, the ideas are never fully communicated. Like writing. I've had several things mulling around in my head for the last couple of months, but typing out the ideas never clicked nor did it even seem like the proper medium of expression. How cool would it be to write a story, or a long treatise, or even a journal? Cool, but self-defeating. I can't maintain a sense of direction with a open ended project. Why dwell on the minutia of every aspect of a topic when you can take it in all at once? Here's what I was about to write next, and we'll talk about it afterwards: How can you escape an existence in which the details of daily life passively and witheringly overwhelm overarching interests and passions?
January 7, 2008
The funniest answering machine message ever.
This American Life Episode # 203. Seriously. I had to stop listening to it mid-way through the story, because I couldn't hold back laughing out loud at work. This one's for you Reed.
November 17, 2007
Worst Possible Illusion
Vik Muniz is a Brazillian artist (now US citizen) that deals with how we perceive images and objects. I was introduced to his work through the movie Worst Possible Illusion, a documentary about him and his work, that was played on PBS several years ago. I tried and tried to find some place that sold the video, but it was only available on VHS and the process for getting it was a bit drawn out.
Today, I no longer jones for my own copy. Much to my delight, Muniz has put up the video on his website www.vikmuniz.net. To see the ~1 hour movie, go to gallery, then select one of his earlier collections (circa 2000), and it should be listed under the Videos. I love his work, and you can see the effort and love he has for connecting with people. I want my work and interactions to have a similar impact on the people around me.
Today, I no longer jones for my own copy. Much to my delight, Muniz has put up the video on his website www.vikmuniz.net. To see the ~1 hour movie, go to gallery, then select one of his earlier collections (circa 2000), and it should be listed under the Videos. I love his work, and you can see the effort and love he has for connecting with people. I want my work and interactions to have a similar impact on the people around me.
10 things I like about me
Finally.
1. I'm married.
2. I'm a father.
3. My family and friendships are my most valuable possessions.
4. My perceptiveness. I see lots of details and subtleties that are hidden in seemingly innocuous statements, conversations, mannerisms, and lots of other mediums. And then sometimes I don't see the most obvious happenings right in front of my face.
5. I love my job. And I'm good at it. This is what I should be doing.
6. My mental vision. My mind operates in images and spaces, which means I see ideas and connections almost like you see with your eyes. I create vast expanses to envision the way an idea fits into a sort of global big picture, and then zoom in at various levels to examine attributes, interactions, implications, etc.
7. The way I sleep. I go unconscious fast. I never have problems sleeping, to the point that I have even fallen asleep on my parents' hard linoleum kitchen floor. I move around a considerable amount, and I also speak in clear, distinct sentences for extended periods of time. It should be no surprise that my dreams are quite vivid. I suppose there are perhaps some deleterious consequences for this somnolence, such as elbow-dropping your wife in the face multiple times, destroying the unsuspecting ironing board because a torso-sized tarantula is burrowing into your chest, getting a little too familiar with your brother, and embarrassingly providing for your family's well-being by going through a complete preflight safety announcement.
8. My sense of humor. (see #7)
9. My love for artistic expression.
10. My interests. I'm captivated by very rigorous, challenging activities, both mentally and physically.
I'm pretty sure I was the last to put this up, so I won't bother tagging anybody.
1. I'm married.
2. I'm a father.
3. My family and friendships are my most valuable possessions.
4. My perceptiveness. I see lots of details and subtleties that are hidden in seemingly innocuous statements, conversations, mannerisms, and lots of other mediums. And then sometimes I don't see the most obvious happenings right in front of my face.
5. I love my job. And I'm good at it. This is what I should be doing.
6. My mental vision. My mind operates in images and spaces, which means I see ideas and connections almost like you see with your eyes. I create vast expanses to envision the way an idea fits into a sort of global big picture, and then zoom in at various levels to examine attributes, interactions, implications, etc.
7. The way I sleep. I go unconscious fast. I never have problems sleeping, to the point that I have even fallen asleep on my parents' hard linoleum kitchen floor. I move around a considerable amount, and I also speak in clear, distinct sentences for extended periods of time. It should be no surprise that my dreams are quite vivid. I suppose there are perhaps some deleterious consequences for this somnolence, such as elbow-dropping your wife in the face multiple times, destroying the unsuspecting ironing board because a torso-sized tarantula is burrowing into your chest, getting a little too familiar with your brother, and embarrassingly providing for your family's well-being by going through a complete preflight safety announcement.
8. My sense of humor. (see #7)
9. My love for artistic expression.
10. My interests. I'm captivated by very rigorous, challenging activities, both mentally and physically.
I'm pretty sure I was the last to put this up, so I won't bother tagging anybody.
October 29, 2007
Elsa speaks!
Lo! Elsa speaks, and she is heard!
To date Elsa has said a few words here and there, but now she's starting to use them purposefully. And while she's said "neh" for when she wants to eat since practically the beginning, she's moving into the realm of common words. She now says "mama" (very clearly in times of need), and has said "hello", "hey", and "okay" in appropriate and opportune times. And when she's not saying those things, there is a veritable stream of experimentation, babble, and noises.
We also took some wicked footage of her laughing, and hopefully that will be up in the not too distant future.
To date Elsa has said a few words here and there, but now she's starting to use them purposefully. And while she's said "neh" for when she wants to eat since practically the beginning, she's moving into the realm of common words. She now says "mama" (very clearly in times of need), and has said "hello", "hey", and "okay" in appropriate and opportune times. And when she's not saying those things, there is a veritable stream of experimentation, babble, and noises.
We also took some wicked footage of her laughing, and hopefully that will be up in the not too distant future.
September 18, 2007
My own Motorcycle Diaries
I asked Katie a question the other day.
N: "Katie, can I get a motorcycle?"
K: "Sure."
N: "...what? Really?"
Totally not the answer I was expecting. This is something I've been thinking about for the last couple of months, and it materialized when I was at lunch, talking with someone I work with who owns an older Suzuki bike. Logistically, it makes a lot of sense for us. I can take it to work and get a really good parking spot, the gas and insurance are a lot cheaper than getting a second car, and Katie would have the use of our car during the day. Plus it would be a blast... in daylight when the roads aren't slick with a helmet and protective clothing, Mom.
So here's the game plan. I'm casually researching for the next few months to get a feel for what are generally things to look for and also what to look out for in a used bike. Then sometime in the spring after I've become the magical 25 for insurance purposes, I'm going to take a motorcycle training class that I found out is fairly cheap to learn some technique. Plus, if you take a training class, you don't have to demonstrate anything at the DMV, just show them the certificate of completion and take the written test. A used bike will do fine, especially since I could get one in good working condition for under $1000, which I think is great for something with generally faster acceleration than most cars under $80,000.
I was joking with Katie that this motorcycle idea is my mid-life crisis. I don't think it is, but that's why I'm prolonging the process of getting one, just in case.
N: "Katie, can I get a motorcycle?"
K: "Sure."
N: "...what? Really?"
Totally not the answer I was expecting. This is something I've been thinking about for the last couple of months, and it materialized when I was at lunch, talking with someone I work with who owns an older Suzuki bike. Logistically, it makes a lot of sense for us. I can take it to work and get a really good parking spot, the gas and insurance are a lot cheaper than getting a second car, and Katie would have the use of our car during the day. Plus it would be a blast... in daylight when the roads aren't slick with a helmet and protective clothing, Mom.
So here's the game plan. I'm casually researching for the next few months to get a feel for what are generally things to look for and also what to look out for in a used bike. Then sometime in the spring after I've become the magical 25 for insurance purposes, I'm going to take a motorcycle training class that I found out is fairly cheap to learn some technique. Plus, if you take a training class, you don't have to demonstrate anything at the DMV, just show them the certificate of completion and take the written test. A used bike will do fine, especially since I could get one in good working condition for under $1000, which I think is great for something with generally faster acceleration than most cars under $80,000.
I was joking with Katie that this motorcycle idea is my mid-life crisis. I don't think it is, but that's why I'm prolonging the process of getting one, just in case.
July 9, 2007
Elsa is getting the help she needs
Katie and I had to take Elsa to the emergency room today. Apparently, she just wasn't getting enough food, and she became very dehydrated as a result. She's spending the night in the intensive care unit to make sure her weight stops falling, and then they'll transfer us to a regular room sometime tomorrow if nothing else comes up. They have her on a saline and glucose solution, and we're talking with a lactation specialist in the morning to see what we can do to make sure she gets enough in the future. We'll keep you posted, one way or another.
July 6, 2007
At last
Elsa Zadi Bishop was born on Monday, July 2nd at 10:46 pm. Katie was absolutely amazing. I think we did an incredible job working together to make sure she was completely relaxed during the contractions and attentive to what her body needed to do. The labor was only 4 hours 15 mintues long, and had we known what each stage of labor was really like, the labor could have been an hour shorter still. Elsa is here. She is here.
I have had the most radical shift in focus over the last few weeks. I like change, I like going with the flow, but the currents are starting to ebb and fade. I've felt for a long time that I was older than what I looked like, like I've been a young adult instead of a youth for the last seven or eight years. Now I'm no longer a part of the typical social or scholastic circles that we typically affiliate with youth, and to some extent my new situation is liberating me from being typified as an adolescent and a student and the assumptions and other people's baggage of what that stage "naturally" entails about my identity. I won't miss that condescension. But more and more, I'm exposed to the trappings on the other side of the fence, a whole new set of questions and expectations, not just for me but for my family and now for my child. I just want to be without at best politely and at worst, recalling my not too distant past, forcibly going along with expectations and priorities that aren't my own and prevent me from being myself.
I miss Illinois so much.
I have had the most radical shift in focus over the last few weeks. I like change, I like going with the flow, but the currents are starting to ebb and fade. I've felt for a long time that I was older than what I looked like, like I've been a young adult instead of a youth for the last seven or eight years. Now I'm no longer a part of the typical social or scholastic circles that we typically affiliate with youth, and to some extent my new situation is liberating me from being typified as an adolescent and a student and the assumptions and other people's baggage of what that stage "naturally" entails about my identity. I won't miss that condescension. But more and more, I'm exposed to the trappings on the other side of the fence, a whole new set of questions and expectations, not just for me but for my family and now for my child. I just want to be without at best politely and at worst, recalling my not too distant past, forcibly going along with expectations and priorities that aren't my own and prevent me from being myself.
I miss Illinois so much.
July 2, 2007
So much to say, so much to say, so much to say...
"People who are ready for things would be laughing at us right now." Said by me when Katie's uncle Mark visited us last week and asked if we were ready.
It's on. Katie is showing signs of pre-labor, but she hasn't had any birthing contractions yet. She's been Braxton-Hicks'ing for the last few weeks, though. Katie doesn't think anything will happen for the next couple of days, but she's pretty sure that when the birth does happen, it will be fairly quick.
It's on. Katie is showing signs of pre-labor, but she hasn't had any birthing contractions yet. She's been Braxton-Hicks'ing for the last few weeks, though. Katie doesn't think anything will happen for the next couple of days, but she's pretty sure that when the birth does happen, it will be fairly quick.
June 17, 2007
Touche.
1. I have been to a reggae festival in Windsor, Canada.
2. I need sleep more than I like to admit.
3. I love the new HBO show Flight of the Conchords. We've had the lavish (but most of the time, I find not so lavish) luxury of HBO the last couple of weeks in the hotel, so we got to see the premiere of the show last night.
4. I once "played" a wind chime with a 9 foot long branch in public... without pants. Really.
5. I have nearly died instantly several times in my life, but after each time, I've walked away completely unharmed.
6. I've been in two original bands: Table 6 in high school, and Les Seducion Mechanique in college. Both played hole in the wall coffee shops, but they were very different musically.
7. I had a rat tail for about 8 years. Never too long, just a tasteful 6 inches or so. There was even an attempt to add a Nike swoosh to the back of my head to add to the ensemble, but it ended up looking like a crooked smiley face. Katie considers it divine intervention that that cut, in the long run, didn't pan out.
2. I need sleep more than I like to admit.
3. I love the new HBO show Flight of the Conchords. We've had the lavish (but most of the time, I find not so lavish) luxury of HBO the last couple of weeks in the hotel, so we got to see the premiere of the show last night.
4. I once "played" a wind chime with a 9 foot long branch in public... without pants. Really.
5. I have nearly died instantly several times in my life, but after each time, I've walked away completely unharmed.
6. I've been in two original bands: Table 6 in high school, and Les Seducion Mechanique in college. Both played hole in the wall coffee shops, but they were very different musically.
7. I had a rat tail for about 8 years. Never too long, just a tasteful 6 inches or so. There was even an attempt to add a Nike swoosh to the back of my head to add to the ensemble, but it ended up looking like a crooked smiley face. Katie considers it divine intervention that that cut, in the long run, didn't pan out.
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